About

How in the world are you going to look after your ageing parent who has been diagnosed with dementia?
What you need to know about home based caring is what this site is about. There are literally hundreds of thousands of people in my situation, a sibling caring for a mother or father with dementia. I’ve been caring for my 92 year old mother for over 4 years now. She has vascular dementia, was diagnosed with paranoia, has had 7 strokes, and is now in the end stages of dementia. This site is about my mother’s and my journey through the labyrinth of dementia. I am NOT a qualified medical practitioner, nor a clinician. You’ll find third party professional articles and links to specialist dementia organisations inthese pages. This site is strictly about my personal experience of caring for my mother.

In these pages, you’ll find practical help ranging from:

  • lists of equipment and materials you’ll need
  • various clinical measurements to guage the stages of your parent’s dementia (all recognised and used by national health bodies and professional clinicians). The measurements should be used only as a guide, but provide you with the possibilities of “what will happen next”. Your parent’s doctors will obviously advise you what stage your parent is in, after consultation
  • how to give your parent the best care possible
  • the do’s and dont’s of caregiving
  • what to do during the end stages of dementia
  • how to take care of yourself, as primary caregiver
  • a space to share your experience, doubts and fears
  • inspiring and practical videos to help you care for your parent with dementia

My Experience
Mother has been in a long and slow process of dying for two years. I’ve outlined a timeline of both the physical and emotional stages of that process. It provides useful and practical information to others in the same situation and sets out the most significant steps towards death and the breathtaking roller coaster of emotions and psychological adjustments family carers of ageing parents go through as they accompany them through this appalling illness; dementia and paranoid personality disorder. I also provide tips and resources for adult carers of abusive parents. I was psychologically, emotionally and physically abused as a child by my mother.Mama in hospital

The question of abuse is critically linked with the emotional and psychological aspect of caring. As is the need to forgive, best described in (but not limited to) Christian terms. Caring for a parent who has continuously abused you, emotionally, physically and psychologically, from an early age makes the process of accompanying that parent through the dying process a confusing and painful task, perhaps more so than under “normal” circumstances. It doesn’t come with signposts or “givens”. It’s a road you have to travel by yourself in the main, and one which presents you with an array of feelings and decisions which need to be filtered and sanitised, that’s to say, compartmentalised away from the influence of passed experiences.

The information on this site is based on my direct experience with my mother, on discussions with gerontologists and health care practitioners, on conversations and assessments given by psycho-gerontologists, as well as “insights” into the affective and spiritual aspects of caring and dying. In practical terms, I’ve provided detailed information on how and what to do for optimum caregiving and have tried to synthesise current diagnosis and treatment of dementia and PPD. Drop me a line if you would like to contribute to this “work in progress”. You may be a carer, a professional health worker, a religious or you may have been diagnosed with dementia or PPD. I’d be grateful for your feedback and collaboration.